As the year dawns down and we start to rewind the last 365 days, we tend to focus on unswerving conclusions and find fewer reasons to stay engaged. As the reflections are flowing so does the judgment about what should/could have had happened. The more we feel guilty over unfulfilled promises we gave to the Self and perhaps the others, the more we entrap ourselves in reasons and justifications against so perceived failure.

Truth – Telling

The inconvenient truth is that we can learn from own mistakes only when we know we have made them. Only when we stop misinterpreting our stubbornness for being strong and unbreakable and accept the consequences of staying the same, we have an opportunity to truly embrace the change we want to be part of.

Feeling the Fear and Do it Anyway

It is absolutely normal to encounter fears related to the adjustments required in our lives especially when we chose to pursue a new direction. However, overanalyzing our perceived inadequacy, dwelling on the possibility of a potential fiasco as well as projecting the clash between what others expect from us and what we have learned to expect of ourselves does not move us any closer to our desired outcome. The radical action – heartfelt choice over mind driven decision – does.

And it is tough because it demands of us more than a mere agreement or wishful thinking. It requires accepting at that moment all the risks that the choice involves. It means letting go of the ‘need to know and how’ and trusting that all will be discovered along the way as long as we start the journey.

Chose Yourself

Choosing comes with a powerful dose of anxiety because we are breaking through the internal structure of our beliefs about what is possible, and/or what we need to become in order to be worthy of. Those beliefs are the most significant obstacles in executing what we want. Yet, the more we resist the change, the more frustrating and stifling our circumstances become. The more we wish to change the more we stay the same. The more we try, the less we do.

Ask Yourself The Right Question

The next time you catch yourself in the unproductive pattern of your thoughts, ruminating on what could have happened, ask yourself instead “what have I truly wanted?” Then ask yourself again “what were my challenges in achieving what I have wanted?” Keep asking yourself until you feel “empty” and you can’t define any more challenges. Then ask yourself those two final questions “how big of a deal it is for me to have it/accomplish it?” and “what am I willing to do to get it?”

Those answers will change our life. Fantasizing about wanting something does not make that desire a reality. Not recognizing the potential challenges ahead of time, depletes our energy while keeping us stuck in the same place. And finally, if we can’t assign the importance to what we want, most likely we are trying to pursue just a temporary whim, a mere fantasy or nice to have an idea. Perhaps what we want is not our true desire and we are just caught in enjoying wanting it. Maybe we don’t actually want it at all.

Nothing ever happens or changes without effort, intention, and commitment. Success and failure don’t exist without each other. Failure and struggle clarify the meaning of what we truly want because each letdown takes us deeper to the core of our own humanness. It puts us through harshness and sharp edges of the circumstances. It teaches us to withhold and to withstand the uneasiness that comes with them but only when we are prepared to reinvent ourselves on the path to meet our true wants.

Author: Kasia Jamroz www.kasiajamroz.com