Self-Love Before Romantic Love: Why It Matters

In the modern world, when dating space is full of ghosting, lies, disappointment, mind games, etc., it is crucial to start with the love to yourself. Why? Everything is simple: you can’t pour from an empty cup. Stop for a while and answer — when did you ask yourself for a date for the last time? I guess not recently. Therefore, before starting your swiping game, you should make sure that you are totally ready for it. Let’s see what it means.

What is Self-Love?

Let’s say you are interested in dating Italian women, but do you know that these ladies seek confident, cheerful partners who will not waste time talking about their past? That’s why self-love is what you should start with. Mind, that it is not about reading daily affirmations in front of the mirror, it is something more, like:

• Knowing your worth. It doesn’t matter whether other people see it as the most important is to realize how special you are and do not agree to the less. 
• Having personal boundaries. You know what you want, and you do not allow others to impact your decisions, values, and life in general. 
• Being okay alone. You feel comfortable when you are alone. You don’t need a company every moment of your life. It is not a problem to visit a concert and have dinner at a local restaurant alone.

All in all, self-love is not about being perfect or selfish. It is about knowing and appreciating your strong and weak points, and hoping that your partner will behave the same. 

Reasons to Care about Self-Love

If you start dating without realizing your own needs and self-worth, you risk dealing with plenty of unpleasant things like:

1. Agree to less than you deserve. You allow your partner to play mind games with you, ghost, abuse, and do lots of other destructive actions. There is no understanding of how to live differently. You are sure that you should put up with such a relationship, as it is your last chance to be at least with somebody. 
2. You are waiting for your partner to fill all your emotional gaps and save you from all problems. It is difficult for you to deal with all the events happening in your life. Actually, you rely on someone else instead of taking control of your being. 
3. You attract the same people. They are emotionally unavailable like you. Hardly can such people create a healthy, lasting connection. 

But when you focus enough attention and effort on your well-being, then you raise your standards. As a result, you start attracting another type of people. Just think – who will like your company if you don’t like your own?

How to Work with Your Self-Worth?

Once you realize how important your self-worth is for building healthy relationships, you are one step closer to realizing your goals. So, what to start with? Here is a step-by-step guide that will let you walk this path confidently.

Set boundaries

Start with setting your boundaries. How to do it? Just think about what can make you upset or stressed. Identify your own needs and limits. Then you should tell other people about these boundaries, but without any pressure. Use “I” statements and stay calm. Mind that you shouldn’t apologize for having your boundaries. Under no circumstances should you ignore crossing your fixed lines. Get ready, sticking to them might be uncomfortable sometimes, but even in this case, you should do your best to stay consistent. 

Do things solo

Do you feel awkward when going to the party, cinema, or any other place solo? Take things slowly. Start step by step. Choose activities that you like, but have no company to enjoy them with. First, you may feel uncomfortable or unusual, but everything will change soon. Travel, eat out,  go to a movie – just you. It is a good way to start recognizing your real desires and dreams. Only when you can enjoy doing things solo you are ready to share nice moments with another person.

Talk to yourself kindly

Being kind to yourself is extremely important. Talk to yourself like with your best friend. Avoid constant criticizing or blaming. Respect your efforts and cheer yourself up when it is extremely difficult. Once you can deal with your inner critic, you are one step closer to good self-worth. 

Celebrate progress 

You shouldn’t be focused on perfection. Start celebrating any progress you can achieve. It is okay to be in the process for some time. Avoid putting too much pressure on yourself or meeting certain requirements always. You are the main person in your life, and you need to accept yourself in any state and aim to reach more, but without destroying your mental health. Support yourself when it is easy and when it is not. 

Find your healing methods

Every person needs support and care. Think well and try to come up with efficient healing methods exactly for you. For example, you can join an art class,  try therapy, or practice an honest reflection at least. Whatever you choose, remember to stop and check whether it helps, whether you feel better in the long run. If not, try something else. 

What Will You Get Eventually?

If you worked well and now can say that your self-worth is okay, then changes will be very vivid. You will attract the right people and stop chasing those who you are interested in. Why? Well, people follow the energy you have. You become magnetic, and the right partner appears in your life. This is where you can start building a strong, happy connection without any worries. 

Summing – up

People who have a good self-worth do not settle for less; they choose the best for themselves. They never beg but build. Such people know what they want, and when the right person appears in their life, they accept this fact calmly. They do not need somebody to save them or solve their problems; they want a partner to complement them. So, if you want to find the one, you should start with yourself. Once you are ready, you can look for your perfect match on sites like victoriyaclub.com or try local dating.