How to Cope with Grief as a Couple

Losing a loved one is never easy. And it doesn’t matter whether the loss affects only yourself, only your partner, or both of you equally: having to cope with grief together could put a toll on your relationship.

First, know it’s perfectly normal to be in pain and feel lonely, sad, or angry. But if you have no idea how to support your partner or how to ask for the kind of support you need, these tips on coping with grief as a couple should help.

Keep in mind that grief is a personal experience

One thing you have to keep in mind is that grief is a deeply personal experience. Even if the loss of a loved one affects both of you, you can’t expect your partner to grieve the same way you do.

Some people might grieve for months. Others will grieve for years. There is no right or wrong way to cope with the death of someone you love, and you both need to respect each other during this difficult process.

You might not understand why your partner is reacting with anger or guilt. Or they might wonder how you can smile and have fun one day and not get out of bed the next. What matters is allowing each other to grieve at your own pace.

Talk with each other and express your feelings

Communicating effectively with your partner when experiencing a roller coaster of emotions can be challenging but necessary. You must express your feelings honestly and listen to your partner’s words without judgment.

Speak and listen with love and compassion. This is how you will be able to be present for each other and to go through this challenging period of your lives together as a couple.

Seek professional support if it becomes necessary

Figuring out how to cope with grief as a couple can be extremely challenging. If you feel like your partner and you are slowly drifting apart, don’t hesitate to seek professional support.

Couples counselling could help you repair and strengthen your relationship. It could give you the clarity and guidance to navigate this crisis together and emerge stronger.

Support each other the best you can

Everything can seem more difficult than it usually is when you’re grieving. To cope with grief as a couple, you need to find ways to support each other the best you can. If grocery shopping or cooking supper feels overwhelming, let your partner know. They could handle it if they feel up to it, or you could agree that delivering food is a great idea.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with accepting help from your friends and family. But your partner and you must show up for each other and remind each other that you care about your relationship. Sometimes, you may need marital therapy to guide you through this journey.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions

Of course, no one enjoys feeling painful emotions. But it would help if you allowed yourself to feel them, as trying to deny them would not do you or your partner any good in the long run.

Allowing your partner to feel their emotions at their own pace is also important. Yes, it can be heartbreaking to see them cry. But if they need to cry, let them cry. All you can do is be there to comfort them the best you can.

Do your best to enjoy what you can

Allowing yourself to feel your emotions also means you have the right to smile and laugh if something brings you joy. You don’t have to be grieving 24/7. Taking time away from your sorrow and pain is healthy for doing something you enjoy.

Concretely, this could mean going to the restaurant and the movie theatre with your partner or walking together in a beautiful park and seeing the sights. Don’t let anyone tell you you can’t have fun because you’re supposed to be grieving.

Find meaningful ways to honour your loss

Finally, you should find meaningful ways to honour your loss together. Sharing memories of your loved one, creating a memorial for them, or engaging in a ritual could help you move forward with a sense of closure. Also, some couples find that EMDR helps with relationships.

Of course, seeking a sense of closure will not instantly put an end to your grieving process. Being patient with yourself and your partner and taking the time you need to overcome your grief is the key to healing and feeling better.

Photo by Rhodi Lopez on Unsplash