The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched

– they must be felt with the heart.

In 2018 I wrote an article in the Journal of Experiential Psychotherapy entitled ‘mBIT as an experiential coaching and therapeutic approach, a series of case studies and scientific background’.(*1) In that article, two of the case studies were ladies with Takotsubo (Broken Heart syndrome: an acute stress- induced cardiomyopathy). Little did I know that two years later, I would be asked to write an article on my own heart experiences – and how NLP and mBIT can be used in clinical cases of cardiac conditions.

In November 2019, I was training a new group of mBIT trainers when I found myself experiencing hear-

attack-like symptoms and  I  was  taken to hospital in an ambulance. It was not the first time I had had symptoms; I had been to the GP saying I felt unwell a few weeks before, and I had been awoken once with chest pain, but had had a heart attack ruled out. This was different. It felt different.

Long story short, I now have a heart condition (cardiac spasm) and I also had a stroke. I am learning to live with all of those changes and one of my key

learnings was that I was very glad to have NLP and mBIT in my toolbox to navigate through the journey of acute attack, diagnosis and recovery.

Here are some of my reflections…

Remaining calm in an emergency

The first time I was woken up with chest pain, I self-assessed the severity and decided I could breathe through it.

Using a range of techniques including submodalities, perceptual positioning and mBIT balanced breathing, I found myself heading back off to sleep after a relatively short time. A few days later this was thoroughly checked out and I was chastised for not calling an ambulance in the moment. I remember discussing with my GP different views of what ‘severe pain’ was!

I suffered no detriment – but it has made me wonder about some aspects of safety. Could we inadvertently cover up significant symptoms which need checking out medically, by using techniques in our toolbox?

When I walked out of the training room in November, I knew something was different. I sat while a colleague called an ambulance. Again, I used the same techniques, but this time, I was unable to alleviate all the symptoms; it just meant

I could remain as calm as possible, and as comfortable as possible until the ambulance crew arrived. I guess I had

answered my own question. The body will overpower our attempt to use tools when it needs attention.

to myself, connected with my heart to be clear this is what I wanted, changed the stories in my head (which made no logical sense anyway) and created myself an anchor so large, if it were real you would not be able to carry it!

I got to the café and met a friend and fellow mBIT trainer there. I had made it. But afterwards, I was amazed at the level of debilitating fear I had had to overcome. Without NLP and mBIT, I am not sure I could have done it.

Something was stopping me from going outside. Fear

Managing symptoms

Once I was in hospital I spent six days on a cardiac ward, hooked up to 24/7 heart monitoring. On four occasions I

experienced severe pain again, and on one occasion I watched as the nurse got the portable defibrillator ready. I could have

so easily gone into panic. But again, using the tools, the mBIT balanced breathing and naming the pain, I managed to get through those episodes. I worked on

my neuroception and was so attuned to my body I could feel an ‘attack’ coming on and self-medicate with GTN (heart medication) to stop it escalating.

Navigating labels

It was a complete surprise to me when I was told I had also had a stroke. Indeed I found out when a stroke consultant came into my cubicle when I was being

seen by a medical registrar, saying, ‘If you want me to see this new patient before I go it will have to be now.’ I had not been advised at that point that I was being treated as a suspected stroke patient too! The look on his face quickly told me that the patient was me.

This was the start of an interesting journey for me, when I was not at all sure I was on the same page as the medical team. Was I in denial? Was I more aware of my body than they were? Could they be wrong? Could I be wrong? I was sent for a CTCA (computerised tomography cardiac angiogram) and on my return there was

a range of brochures on my bed. The one that stood out for me was Life after a Stroke. I couldn’t even look at it. I asked my husband to put it away out of sight.

Nothing in me, at an identity level, resonated with being a cardiac patient, nor a stroke patient. As an mBIT master trainer and master coach, I know we hold identity at gut level, so I used this knowledge to talk deeply to my gut, and to date we have agreed not to take on that identity.

In terms of hospitals and identity, the follow-up outpatient appointment to see the stroke consultant was at the

‘Older adult’ clinic. Somehow, I found it in me to laugh. I am 53. Nothing in me saw me as an older adult either. An 83-year- old friend volunteered to come with me to make it look like she was the patient!

Humour, I found, was an important part of the coping mechanism and healing journey.

Facing the fear

After being in hospital for nearly a week, I was discharged to be managed as an outpatient. I was so pleased to be going home, but actually still felt very unwell. I spent a further three days in bed, getting out of breath with any exertion (even a shower pushed me beyond my limits). I started to get up – but something was stopping me from going outside. Fear. I hadn’t expected that. I fly independently round the world, I do bungee jumps and sky dives. How could I be fearful of going to my local village?

At the weekend, I asked my husband to escort me. I had to find a way through this. With reframing, mBIT balanced breathing and reaching way back into my abdomen and finding courage (even though I didn’t feel I was ready) – and making sure I had my GTN spray in hand – we made it out.

Then the new week started. I was petrified of going out alone. The tools this time were not enough. I had a good talking

Finding a new normal

I would love to say I am 100% healed, but that is not true – yet. Indeed, I am still undergoing some examinations and reviewing medications (that’s a whole other story, with the medics saying I am on drugs for life and me aiming at not being!).

As I reflect on the journey, I am so grateful for having my NLP and mBIT toolbox.

One last word

I had heard myself say, over an ongoing work-related issue, ‘It’s tearing me apart

– it’s breaking my heart.’ As I heard myself say the words, I took notice, but maybe didn’t take enough action. Could I literally ‘tear my heart apart’, ‘break my heart’?  I guess in hindsight the answer is yes.

Listen to your own and clients’ language. Challenge it and help them to reword their story and express themselves differently.

And we come full circle – to Broken Heart syndrome. How we are being, what we are saying, and what we do can have an impact on our hearts. I learned that the hard way.

Having sought a variety of different somatic therapies to help me to ‘unhook’ the emotions related to what was going on, the grief of what might have been, mixed with the real grief of losing our mBraining lead, and my personal mentor,

Grant Soosalu, I can now say I am on the road to recovery. And if by sharing this story I can help just one person act sooner, take action earlier, and prevent themselves from going through what

I went through – then I am glad I have shared.

And, know that NLP and mBIT are an amazing suite of tools to help people to work with heart issues, emotionally and physically. I do not want to think about where I might have been without them.

Article written by:  Dr Suzanne Henwood