The Power of Setting Intentions: A Case Study in Transforming Frustration into Empowerment for a Neurodiverse Client 

In a world that often measures success by rigid standards and strict goal-setting, I recently had the privilege of coaching a neurodiverse client from Quebec, Canada, guiding him toward the profound truth that it’s not about achieving perfection but about harnessing the transformative power of intentionality to cultivate self-compassion and meaningful progress.

Working with neurodiverse clients can present unique challenges, particularly when it comes to setting and achieving goals. My client was feeling frustrated with himself due to his struggles in following through with his aspirations. Caught in a relentless cycle of blame and shame, he often felt defeated and stagnant, believing he was failing to meet the expectations in several roles and capacities as a father, husband, brother, and professional.  A shift from setting goals toward exploring the power of intentions helped him create new anchors that provided stability and direction, allowing him to navigate his journey with greater self-compassion and resilience.

The Challenge of Goal Setting

For many neurodiverse individuals, traditional goal-setting methods can feel overwhelming and unrealistic. The challenges of goal setting, especially for neurodiverse individuals, often intertwine with feelings of shame and blame, making the process overwhelming and unrealistic. Many find themselves setting ambitious goals yet frequently falling short, leading to a pervasive sense of inadequacy. This cycle fosters self-blame and harsh self-criticism, as individuals internalize their failures as proof of their shortcomings. Additionally, societal pressures and unrealistic expectations can exacerbate feelings of shame, creating barriers to engagement. When accountability is linked to rigid standards, it further intensifies this pressure. 

My client, in particular, found himself constantly setting ambitious goals but frequently falling short of achieving them. This repetitive experience led to a pervasive sense of inadequacy. He would often think, “Why can’t I just follow through?” This mindset not only perpetuated feelings of self-blame but also made it increasingly difficult for him to take meaningful steps forward.  

To combat these challenges, I encouraged him to focus on somatic alignment through mindfulness meditation—aligning the body, mind, and emotions with goals. This can be achieved through mindfulness practices that enhance body awareness, setting smaller, achievable goals, and reframing failure as a learning opportunity rather than a testament to inadequacy.

Introducing the Concept of Setting Intentions

Recognizing his struggle, I introduced him to the concept of setting intentions. Instead of focusing on rigid, specific goals, I encouraged him to establish daily and weekly intentions. Intentions go beyond merely achieving specific outcomes; they cultivate a mindset rooted in loving-kindness, nurturing, and self-compassion. Serving as anchors for the mind, intentions guide our attention and incline our minds to the activity that we wish to undertake. Without this sense of direction, following through on tasks can become extremely challenging. 

The underlying issue isn’t just a matter of motivation—though that certainly led him to seek a life coach alongside a therapist—but rather an understanding of the complexities of our minds. It involves finding acceptance within those complexities and discovering creative pathways to navigate the challenges they present. 

Intention setting embedded in self-compassion can counteract feelings of shame, while ensures that a person feels valued and their needs are recognized.  I also encouraged him to do regular check-ins, celebrating small wins that could reinforce positive progress and accountability without imposing unrealistic expectations, fostering a healthier relationship with goal setting that promotes growth and resilience.

How to Set Intentions?

Setting intentions involves more than just stating what you want to achieve. It’s about aligning your mind and actions with your deepest desires and listening to your body. Here’s how we worked through this process together:

1. Mindful Reflection: We started each session with a brief moment of mindfulness. This allowed my client to tune into his feelings, recognize any frustrations, and center himself for our work together.
2. Daily Intentions: We established a practice where my client would set intentions each morning. These could be as simple as “I will be present in my meetings” or “I will take breaks when I feel overwhelmed.” This approach empowered him to choose what felt right for him each day.
3. Weekly Themes: To create a sense of direction, we discussed setting broader themes for the week, such as focusing on self-care or improving communication skills. This helped him see progress in a more holistic way.
4. Hourly Check-ins: We implemented a system of hourly check-ins where he could incline his mind to a task by anchoring himself to a restful activity, for example listening to the birds or gazing outside the window. This flexibility allowed him to adapt to how he was feeling throughout the day, making it easier to stay aligned with his goals without the pressure of strict accountability. 

Embracing Acceptance and Self-Compassion

Through our sessions, my client gradually began to embrace this new approach. He reported feeling less pressure and more empowered to take small steps toward his aspirations. The intentionality practice not only reduced his feelings of blame and shame but also fostered a greater sense of self-compassion.

Instead of fixating on what he hadn’t accomplished, my client started celebrating small wins. Each time he aligned his actions with his intentions, no matter how small, it reinforced his ability to make progress and feel accomplished.

From Powerlessness to Agency

By reframing the conversation around goals to one of intention, he found a new way to navigate his journey. He learned that it’s not about achieving every goal perfectly; it’s about moving toward what he truly wants in life. This shift in perspective has the potential to change not only how he approaches his aspirations but also how he views himself.

Working with a neurodiverse client highlighted the transformative power of setting intentions. By focusing on intentions rather than rigid goals, we can move from a place of frustration and helplessness towards restoring a sense of agency, self-compassion, and resilience. This approach can serve as a valuable tool for anyone feeling overwhelmed by traditional goal-setting methods, especially in the neurodiverse community. Embracing the power of intention can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful journey toward wellbeing and self-acceptance. 

If you find this article helpful, consider joining our online 90-minute monthly compassion circle. Circles offer a space to practice self-compassion and compassion towards others with guided practices. We will share how we are doing, and to receive understanding, kindness and support from each other. These circles will help increase your personal resilience through meaningful connection, these circles help provide you with the energy to engage more effectively among your family, friends and community. 

To book a breakthrough session for life-coaching, feel free to email: [email protected] and  visit the link to learn more about our course offerings.

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