What About the Kids? Dealing with the Damage of Divorce

Going through a breakup or a divorce can be one of the worst situations a person can experience.

Nobody gets married knowing that their marriage is going to break down — we aren’t living our lives on the big screen. However, in some instances, it is better to cut the ties rather than stay in a relationship that has evolved into toxicity.

Although the number of divorces in England and Wales has hit a 46-year low, it, aligned with mental health issues, is still a major talking point in the wider media.

In regard to mental health, of course the partners will face incomparable heartbreak but, often, they are not the ones in the relationship.

In most cases children are also involved and the events of a marriage breakdown for them can be incredibly difficult to comprehend and come to terms with.

Monitoring behaviour

For children, young ones especially, of the biggest difficulties when family law solicitors become involved and divorce proceedings begin is not being able to grasp an understanding of what is going on.

It is a difficult and incredibly confusing time however, this confusion can often translate into frustration, ultimately leading up to a vent of anger.

On many occasions when a breakup occurs it is the father who vacates the marital home. With one parent absent, a considerable chunk of consistency in regard to stable disciple is removed. Parents will often try to overcompensate in this situation however, this will only further extenuate the problem.

Of course, you need to be strict a child is misbehaving, but you must understand the position they are in. Therefore, approach every situation with a rationale mind, taking into consideration their potential thoughts at all times.

Patience, as the age-old saying suggests, is a virtue. Every child will be experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions if their parents split up, which can also be affected by the way you are acting around them. Remember a child’s mind is like a sponge, absorbing everything in their surroundings.

Consider, as parents, how you are talking about one another — this is likely to be picked up on and replicated. Despite the fact relations between co-parents might be incredibly problematic, working together is in the best interest of the child. Monitoring their behaviour and informing one another should exist as a priority.

School-life

Research studies have pointed to the fact that children who grow up in a family home, with two parents who are married, they are likely to perform better throughout their education.

In 2014, the BBC called upon a survey in regard to school results cross-referenced with the situation at home. 65% of children who had witnessed their parents’ divorce achieved greats below their expectation at GCSE level, while A-Level results were 44% worse off.

Children whose parents are still in wedlock are proposed to be less aggressive towards fellow pupils, less disruptive during lesson time, and more likely to complete their work on time without prompt.

The group who carried out the study, Resolution, suggest that one of the major factors regarding a child’s behaviour and performance in school can be pinned on the fact they have had to change schools.

Different

To be quite honest, regardless of what age a child is when their parents’ divorce, the significant change which occurs will bare some consequences.

This can be particularly true for a younger child passing through what is known as the developmental years. During this stage, a child is likely to be feel this aforementioned confusion.

Various research projects have proposed that an older child will be more understanding and is likely to come to terms with the split quicker. Meanwhile, younger children will find themselves asking: “why is daddy not here anymore?”, or, “why are we not all going together?”.

Previously, with both parents together this might have meant a better school, more holidays, and an overall better quality of life. With two mortgages now being required, often a child will realise that the treats which they used to receive are no longer there.

As kids might have become accustomed to a certain lifestyle supported by a stronger financial situation, a change as such could prove rather consequential.

Of course, for the children, having both parents together are preferable. That said, living in a house which is continually riddled with unhappiness and in some cases, hatred is no more beneficial. An unhappy relationship shouldn’t simply be maintained purely to ensure that children are kept happy, as eventually they won’t be.

Sources

https://www.ourfamilywizard.co.uk/blog/behavioural-issues-children-after-divorce

https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170

https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/should-i-stay-in-my-marriage-for-the-kids/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-30177051