What impact does my childhood have on my today?

Affirmation: I accept who I was then and who I am today.

Acknowledging and validating our childhood experiences enables us to not only rise beyond them with wisdom, it additionally allows us to develop a deeper empathy towards others. Maintaining them as a narrative through adult life will only hold us back. It is vital to honour our stories while releasing them to bring in a fresh wave of resilience and gratitude for all the lessons learnt. It allows for better self-preservation as well as energy to move forward with grace.

Something that helped me was to create a director in my mind. My director was and is sitting on a boat with a big gold medallion, a goatee and sunglasses. I always imagine the context of my life from the eye of my director. You may be amused; I urge you to try it. It has helped so many of my clients. It not only releases the drama; it brings in a great secondary sense with an acute feeling of freedom for the ability to shift our feelings at any moment. It helps me to watch myself and be aware of every reaction within or externally. It’s almost as if I have my account-ability partner at hand to constantly fine-tune my persona and my person. It also allows me to keep an eye on what is going on from a distance.

When you create a cognitive eye, it’s like a bird’s-eye view to watch and observe yourself, to monitor how you’re behaving, and to see whether the appropriate behaviours are exactly as you would want them to be. You may observe things you are enacting that are not your best or your higher self. The cause is your unconscious triggers. By having this cognitive eye guiding you, you are able to monitor yourself.

We all have the ability to change anything that we wish to change about our lives by ourselves. Each of us has all the tools and resources within us, and please do not let anyone tell you the contrary. You want to become your own best friend. Sadly, those who actually practise this are few and far between, which I hope will now change. We are naturally not our own best friends. Our eye on ourselves is usually a difficult one.

Should you need motivation to discipline yourself to do this, let your loved ones be the scintilla that guides you. Your loved ones’ sense of ease and effortless joy will be the result. It is not right that we should be responsible for causing any difficulty to those that surround us because of our little idiosyncrasies within ourselves. It is selfish to allow ourselves to remain unevolved or in a victim dance and allow those that surround us to bear the consequences. It’s simply wrong. Had it never occurred before to consider this as a selfish act, may it now transform into an active agent of change, so that the people close to you, the ones you love, are able to see you as the gem that you are.

Just be you peacefully. Be your own best friend. Let go of all the resistance.

If you are tough on yourself, why? What’s the cause of it? Is it necessary?

If you get angry about little things, what is the cause of it? Is it necessary?

Is it possible for you to reframe anything that comes across your path with a positive voice?

What does reframing mean? It’s literally like changing the frame of a photograph. It’s quite simple, and in the moment we are all able to do this. No one is prevented from changing anything they wish to within themselves, all that is required is a little awareness and the ability to grant ourselves permission. Everything is possible if you believe it is.

There are two ways of perceiving the word ‘discipline’. There’s discipline the noun and there’s discipline the verb. Discipline the noun is structure; I have the discipline to always have a freshly baked chocolate cake at home. I have the discipline to keep fresh flowers. I have the discipline to be structured with my timings; I’m always on time. Discipline the verb is a negative connotation. For example, when you are running late, you start screaming at everyone else around you, which is not fair. If you’ve gone to sleep peacefully, had eight hours and woken up fresh, is your behaviour the same as if you’ve had a night with a crying baby, roadworks and a fight with somebody? The key is that your person has to stay intact, whatever happens, and that the boundaries we maintain with others are consistent.

I often use the word ‘allow’, as you will have noticed. The reason is that I don’t believe I can impose myself upon you. I ask you to allow it because with your permission we can make these changes altogether and it’s all possible.

Disciplining our minds like we discipline a muscle in our bodies allows us to actually change the future in a positive way. The key is to believe in you, and to believe that you are not a victim of your circumstance.

Written by: By Sukaiyna Gokal

Sukaiyna Gokal established Garden of Ayden in 2012, the first self-healing platform available in 28 languages. Drawing from her studies in psychology and a diverse range of cultural and spiritual teachings, she believes true luxury is nurturing our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Through her work, she intends to tie a thread of unity across the world—one where we can all stand together united on the principles of respect and boundaries. She is the international best-selling author of The Human TOUCH.

Image by Chu Viết Đôn from Pixabay