How to Cope with Persistent Feelings of Not Being Good Enough

Have you ever felt that despite your numerous achievements, something always feels missing? This persistent sense of inadequacy can overshadow even your most significant accomplishments. For many high-achieving women, these feelings are deeply rooted in perfectionism and self-doubt, leading to stress, burnout, and a diminished sense of well-being. Understanding how to cope with these feelings is essential for maintaining both personal and professional health.

1. Understand imposter syndrome

Persistent feelings of inadequacy are often linked to imposter syndrome – the belief that you are a fraud despite evident success. This syndrome is characterized by an inability to internalise achievements and a constant fear of being exposed as a “phony” (Verywell Mind). Recognising that this is a common issue among high achievers can be the first step towards overcoming it.

2. Embrace self-compassion

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend can significantly reduce self-criticism and improve emotional well-being (Neff, 2011). When feelings of inadequacy arise, speak to yourself with kindness and remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.

3. Reframe your thoughts

Cognitive-behavioural techniques can help you reframe negative self-talk. When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” challenge this thought by asking, “What evidence do I have for this belief?” and “What would I say to a friend in this situation?” This method helps break the self-doubt cycle and fosters a more positive self-view (Beck, 1995).

4. Visualise success

Visualisation is a powerful tool that can help you overcome feelings of inadequacy. By mentally rehearsing successful outcomes, you train your brain to associate success with positive emotions. This technique not only boosts confidence but also prepares you for real-life challenges by reducing anxiety and improving performance (Psychology Today).

5. Build emotional gility

Emotional agility involves being flexible with your thoughts and feelings so you can respond more effectively to challenges. This concept, developed by Dr. Susan David, encourages acknowledging your emotions without being overwhelmed by them. By practising emotional agility, you can navigate negative feelings and maintain a positive outlook (David, 2016).

6. Seek feedback

Constructive feedback from trusted peers or mentors can provide a reality check and help you see your strengths more clearly. Regularly seeking feedback allows you to gain insights into your performance and areas for improvement without falling into the trap of self-criticism (APA, 2021).

7. Focus on your body sensations

Inspired by Shirzad Chamine’s Positive Intelligence, focusing on your body sensations can help ground you in the present moment and reduce negative self-talk. Engage in simple practices like feeling the texture of an object, listening intently to surrounding sounds, or focusing on your breathing. Even just 10 seconds multiple times during the day can make a significant difference. These techniques can shift your mind from self-doubt to a more positive and resilient state, enhancing overall emotional regulation and well-being (Chamine, 2012).

8. Transform failures into learning opportunities

Adopting a growth mindset involves believing that your abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. This mindset, described by psychologist Carol Dweck, helps you see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than threats to your self-worth. Embracing a growth mindset means transforming supposed failures into valuable learning experiences and reminding yourself that making mistakes is essential for growth. This perspective can transform your perception of failure and encourage continuous improvement (Dweck, 2006).

9. Connect with others

Building strong, supportive relationships can buffer against feelings of inadequacy. Engage with a community of like-minded individuals who understand your struggles and can offer support. Sharing your experiences with others can provide new perspectives and reduce feelings of isolation (APA, 2006).

10. Celebrate small wins

Take time to celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Acknowledging your achievements helps reinforce your self-worth and provides motivation to continue striving for your goals. Research in positive psychology suggests that celebrating small wins can significantly boost your mood and overall well-being (Seligman, 2011).

Conclusion

Persistent feelings of not being good enough can be challenging to overcome, but they are not insurmountable. By understanding imposter syndrome, embracing self-compassion, reframing your thoughts, visualising success, building emotional agility, seeking feedback, focusing on your body sensations, transforming failures into learning opportunities, connecting with others, and celebrating small wins, you can begin to cope with and reduce these feelings. Remember, progress, not perfection, is the key to a fulfilling and balanced life.

About the Author

Barbara Pastori is a transformational coach dedicated to helping high-achieving women overcome self-doubt, build resilience, and balance professional success with personal well-being. Through her program “Powerful Inside Out,” she offers tailored coaching sessions blending education, science-backed techniques, and practical strategies for personal growth and emotional healing. Visit Barbara’s website for more information.

Bibliography

• American Psychological Association. (2006). Stress: The different kinds of stress. APA.
• Beck, A. T. (1995). Cognitive therapy: Basics and beyond. Guilford Press.
• Chamine, S. (2012). Positive Intelligence: Why Only 20% of Teams and Individuals Achieve Their True Potential and How You Can Achieve Yours. Greenleaf Book Group Press.
• David, S. (2016). Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. Avery.
• Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.
• Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.
• Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.
• Verywell Mind. (2021). Imposter Syndrome: The Five Types, How to Deal With It.