The health and wellbeing benefits of self-care are well documented. Therefore, ‘can we really have unhealthy self-care?’ I hear you ask.

What is self-care?

Self-care is anything that we do to help improve our physical, mental or emotional wellbeing. There are so many examples online of how you can take care of yourself. The majority of these are good ideas. They promote a healthy lifestyle and they allow for personal development. But here is the word of warning. If done wrong or for the wrong reasons, many of these can actually be harmful.

When is it unhealthy self-care?

Having a hobby is good for you. This is self-care. But what if I decide my hobby was going to be parachute jumping, is that healthy self-care? If I get the right training and do in a safe way, then yes, it would be. But there are lots of ways this type of self-care could turn sour. Imagine that I began to take risks or I was being coerced into taking them. Imagine I begin to rely on that rush of adrenaline in order to find meaning in life. What if I had bankrupted myself to get the money to do a parachute jump? Is this still healthy self-care? Of course not.

As a less extreme example, having a routine is also considered self-care. Having a good routine can help us to sleep better. It can also stabilise our blood sugar levels as we eat regularly. However, this would become unhealthy self-care if I became unable to stray from my routine. Or if I heavily criticised myself when I was unable to keep it going. What if I prioritised my routine above the health and safety of those who depended on me? Would that still be healthy self-care? Not a chance.

How do we recognise unhealthy self-care?

Number 1: Intention. Why you want to do a particular act of self-care? Really ask yourself why. If the answer has anything to do with causing yourself pain or punishing yourself, it is unhealthy. Dieting is notoriously done with the wrong intention. People restrict their intake because they hate the way they look. Eat well to nourish rather than punish. Not only does this keep it healthy but can increase your chance of success.

Number 2: Activity. Look at the self-care activity you have chosen. If it is beyond your means or abilities then it is probably unhealthy. If it puts you or anyone else at risk then it is definitely unhealthy. And if it is illegal, do not even go there. I would love to run a marathon. Running is a form of self-care. Yet I can not run to save my life. Therefore me getting up tomorrow morning and attempting 26 miles is not healthy self-care.

Number 3: Outcome. What are you going to get out of your activity? And we should separate this from what you want to get out of your activity. Chocolate is a great short-term fix. So is caffeine. But what am I really going to get out of chocolate and caffeine? A rush and then a crash. Not so healthy. Takeaways are a similar one. A night off from cooking is great but I will feel the bloat tomorrow.

How do we do more healthy self-care?

The key to healthy self-care is looking long-term. What can you do for yourself now that is going to not only have that immediate reward but that is also going to benefit your future? It is interesting that these are often the things we struggle to do. We want silver bullets not hard work. I wonder then if the terminology is wrong? That instead of using self-care, we should use self-investment? Would that make a difference?

An investment is the allocation of resources for future value. It is often not immediate. And it requires a bit of careful thought at the beginning. We have internal and external resources. Internal resources include resilience, good habits, personal drive, and individual strengths and values. Our external resources include our support networks, technology, transport, infrastructure, etc. All of these are tools for self-investment. And there are plenty of health and wellbeing experts out there to help us.

By looking at self-care as self-investment, we perhaps take away some of the pitfalls that lead to it becoming unhealthy. It is no longer a self-indulgent act but a call to action. It is no longer a spare of the moment, emotion-driven whim but a strategic and calculated mission. At GLC Resilience Coaching we can help you find the best way to invest in yourself and keep unhealthy self-care at bay.