Menopause And Libido: What Happens To Desire And How To Reconnect To Pleasure According To Experts

Menopause can affect far more than periods. From sleep and mood to body confidence and physical comfort, the changes can be wide-ranging. For many women, they can also have an impact on intimacy and desire.

Changes in libido, vaginal dryness, discomfort during intimacy or difficulty reaching orgasm can all be part of the menopause experience. But a changing sex life doesn’t have to mean the end of pleasure.

In light of Menopause Awareness Month this October, Dr Susanna Unsworth, women’s health expert for Intimina, explains how the menopause transition can affect libido and sexual wellbeing, while psychosexual therapist Kate Moyle, LELO’s resident sexpert, shares five practical ways to navigate these changes and maintain intimacy.

How can menopause affect libido? Dr Susanna Unsworth explains

Falling oestrogen can lead to genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), causing symptoms including vaginal dryness, irritation and pain during sex, which can understandably impact desire. But a lower libido isn’t necessarily something that needs to be ‘fixed’.

Dr Unsworth, women’s health expert for Intimina, says: “Hormonal changes during the menopause transition can affect libido and sexual wellbeing, but sexual desire is complex and influenced by much more than hormones alone. Hot flushes, poor sleep, fatigue and changes in mood can all affect how someone feels about sex, while the psychological impact can be important too.”

“Libido can naturally change as we get older and within longer-term relationships. If someone is comfortable with their level of sexual desire and it isn’t causing distress, it may not need treatment at all. However, if changes are affecting quality of life or a relationship, there are things we can do.”

Depending on what’s driving the change, Dr Unsworth says that support can include psychosexual therapy, HRT and local vaginal oestrogen, while testosterone may be considered for some postmenopausal women experiencing distressing low sexual desire.

Pelvic floor health can also be an important part of intimate wellbeing. Intimina’s Laselle Kegel trainers use weighted resistance to support pelvic floor muscle training.

And Dr Unsworth’s main message: “Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help! Sexual wellbeing is an important part of health and quality of life, and there are often several different factors we can address.”

Top 5 tips for navigating pleasure during menopause - according to Kate Moyle

Kate Moyle, psychosexual therapist and resident sexpert for sexual wellness brand LELO, says: “Whilst menopause can change the landscape of sex for some, it does not mean the end of pleasure, intimacy, desire or connection. Sex is about both desire, the ‘why’, and arousal, the ‘how’. Both can be interrupted by the hormonal changes and symptoms of menopause, but that doesn’t mean adaptations can’t be made.”

 Don’t try to ‘get back’ to before

Menopause can change how you feel physically and emotionally, how you experience your body and even how you see yourself. Instead of comparing your sex life to how it used to be, focus on what works for you now. Give yourself what you need and be open to adaptations rather than focusing on the idea that it’s not like it used to be or isn’t as it ‘should’ be. Your body may need something different right now - we may need different things at different stages of our lives.

Put comfort first

Vaginal dryness, atrophy and an increased risk of UTIs can make sex uncomfortable, but painful sex shouldn’t simply be accepted as part of menopause. Just because painful sex is common does not mean that it’s normal. Consider making changes such as introducing more lubricant or regularly using a vaginal moisturiser. Local oestrogen is also available on prescription for these symptoms. Ultimately, you won’t be able to get to a place of pleasure if you’re bracing for and expecting pain.

Talk about what’s changing

Changes in desire can easily be mistaken for rejection or a lack of attraction, particularly in long-term relationships, so don’t expect your partner to read your mind. If you’re in a relationship, this is the first time the two of you have been through this together. Talk about what’s changing and approach it with an open mind about what you can do differently, rather than treating menopause as a problem to ‘fix’.

Rediscover what feels good now

Hormonal changes, poor sleep, fatigue and cognitive changes can all affect how you feel about your body. Orgasm may also take longer or require different stimulation, so take the pressure off and get curious. Take time to re-explore your body and notice what feels good, with no agenda or expectation. You may need a different or more intense type of stimulation, such as introducing a toy, such as LELO’s SONA 3, or using lubricant to make touch or penetration more comfortable.

Be kind to yourself

There’s no rulebook for menopause and everyone experiences it differently. Medical and psychological support is available if you need it, but comparison can make an already complicated transition harder. Menopause can look very different for different individuals, so beware of comparing your inner world to other people’s outer worlds. We have to look at menopause as a head-to-toe emotional, physical and social transition and there are many factors that shape what that looks like.

LELO and Intimina believe that menopause doesn’t have to mean putting intimacy or pleasure on hold. With the right support, open conversations and a little willingness to explore what feels good now, there’s every reason for sexual wellbeing to remain part of a fulfilling life through menopause and beyond.