Triggers in Grief – How to Look After Yourself After Loss

Grief means different things to different people. There are some common universal experiences, but grief is also a very individual process. 

Models like the Kübler-Ross Five Stages of Grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – can help us make sense of our emotions.

However, while it is true some people can experience these stages, they are rarely this neat and linear.

Grief is not just a journey that simply gets better with time. It can be complicated and feelings around loss can ebb and flow throughout your lifetime. 

Certain things in your day-to-day life might trigger grief and bring up a surge of emotions. Whether it’s a certain song or a place that reminds you of a lost loved one, these small reminders can be comforting but they can also feel gut-wrenching and can transport you to painful times. 

The Link Centre Founder, Leilani Mitchell says: “We experience a lot of loss and therefore grief in our lives – not just loss of people we love but also loss of things like loss of our status, health, expectations and jobs.”

Grief is an unpredictable path and can sometimes result in change of emotions from hour to hour, but one thing that is likely to stir up grief is more grief. 

Many were hit harder than they might have expected by the Queen’s death.

Leilani Mitchell explains: “When we grieve it often triggers us into previous losses – an example of that can be seen with the Queen’s death and funeral.

“The outpouring of grief will not have just been about a figure that people have seen in the media and have an attachment with, it will also have triggered people into other losses they have experienced.”

A prominent loss like this can also trigger unresolved grief that we haven’t fully processed. It’s okay to feel a whole mix of emotions around death and loss. 

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, but it’s important to let yourself feel whatever you feel. Don’t push your feelings away but instead try to sit with them.

Leilani says: “Feelings are not constant and often come in waves when we are grieving – we may experience feelings we don’t expect – anger, joy, relief – all of these are ok and normal parts of processing loss.

“What’s important with grief is to sit with it – to allow ourselves to feel and experience whatever we feel and experience and go with the flow of grief.”

When you’re feeling a surge of emotions around death ask yourself – how can I look after myself? 

Feelings and experiences change over time. We do not feel the same level of grief a year or ten years later. There still may well be sadness but it does not usually have the same intensity. 

Sometimes people can get stuck in their grief process and continue to feel lost and disoriented with intense feelings and possibly flashbacks. Talking therapy can help people process these feelings.  

“In counselling it’s important to witness, normalise and sit with the clients, empathising and being with them while they feel and experience – a space to allow them to process and have their narrative and feelings accounted for” Leilani explains.

Words: Laura Mitchell

The Link Centre

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Are you a naturally empathic person? Would you be interested in training as a counsellor or psychotherapist to help people work through complex emotions? 

At The Link Centre we offer a comprehensive, supported learning experience which results in competent, ethical practitioners with qualifications that hold weight in the field. 

Our long-standing centre has an excellent reputation nationally and internationally and our nurturing and highly-qualified team can help you achieve your goals. 

We offer online and in-person training at our centre in Plumpton, East Sussex. Go to  www.thelinkcentre.co.uk for more information.