If we have learned over the past year, it is gratitude for the simple things in life. With almost a year without enjoying some of the usual things we all take for granted, like a coffee with a friend, a meal out with your partner or spouse or a trip to the theatre and lots more, perhaps this Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to wake up and become more mindful of the relationships around us and these important aspects in our lives.

Authenticity is about being true to yourself, and any successful relationship should surely be based on each other knowing and loving that innate self of the other. So how can you enjoy a more authentic relationship with your partner?

• Take responsibility – Do not expect anyone else other than you to take responsibility for your happiness. Happiness comes from within. If you can be accountable for your own actions, which builds self-respect, your partner, if they are the right one, will have greater respect for you.
• Say what you need –  It shouldn’t be just one day a year when you feel appreciated.  Use this Valentine’s as an opportunity to express to your partner what would work better for you and how to want to grow so you can improve together
• Listen and act on what they need – Communicating what you want or need is part of what I have coined the Cojones mindset, although that will also mean listening to your partner in the same way.  Remember, dialogue is about two-way conversation.
• Accountability – Being ‘not taken for granted’, also means making effort yourself and being accountable.  Whilst it is easy for us to blame the other for any lack of effort, make the effort on your side too. Has your own level of being mindful of your partner’s needs and wants gone down a bit?  Being taken for granted is often derived from taking someone for granted, so be accountable, and make the effort at your end too.
• How happy are you really? – What about a relationship that’s gone bad, and is perennially causing you unhappiness?  Without knowing the background it’s hard to say whether it can be worked on.  But if you know, truly know, that your partner is not for you and deep down you know it’s time to go, you will have to take action.  Of course, it’s not always easy when there’s other circumstances, such as kids or property etc involved.  Sometimes people’s hate of the idea of being alone is what holds them back. Remember this “It’s not so difficult being alone, as long as you are happy with who you are alone with”.
• Be you, nobody else will –  Whoever you are with, surely you want them to be with you, the real you. Not something else. Of course, there must be some level of give and take, but again, this means being authentic.  

About the Author

Keith Fraser is the founder and pioneer of the Cojones, the cheeky yet profound code for living successfully and authentically. He is also a Master Practitioner of NLP as well as an exponent of Transactional Analysis (TA). Keith is the host of Cojones TV, where he has interviewed Arsene Wenger, Ross Kemp, Sarah Willingham and Alastair Campbell to name but a few. Keith’s new book “Cojones” (Panoma Press) shows readers how they can live more boldly and audaciously.