“Choose Happiness” simple and straightforward, yet so many people find it out of reach. This is because people are often giving away their power to circumstances, other people and material items. 

I know, because I used to be one of them. If traffic was bad, it would put me in the worst mood, that I carried throughout the day. If I argued with a loved one, I would brood and sulk. If I couldn’t find the perfect gift for someone, I would feel down and obsess over it. 

This lasted way longer than I would like to admit, until one day I had enough, and knew it was time to change my way of thinking. I was in a particularly cranky mood, around the holidays, and funny enough I had an argument in the car, stuck in traffic, after finding way too many empty shelves, because we decided to go Christmas shopping way too late in the season. As the realization hit me that I was causing all of my distress I laughed! Yes, I started laughing at myself and the whole situation and how silly my outlook was. The first step was acknowledging that I had a say in how I felt and deciding at that moment to take accountability for it. 

Start the process of choosing happiness.

Here are five steps taken straight from my own “happiness rehab”.

1. I needed a motto, so I went online and looked up happiness quotes, and picked the one that resonated best with my goal. “It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.” Margaret Bonanno. I chose this quote because it meant every day was a new day to choose happiness. I had the power to decide how I felt, no one or nothing else could take that away from me. I wrote it on a few post-it notes that I put around my house and I saved it on my phone as a screen saver as daily inspiration. 
2. stopped complaining……. On Mondays. I implemented “Complaint Free Monday” into my life. This one took a bit of work but every time a complaint came to mind, I would switch the narrative in my mind. Figure out a lesson to be learned, or what there was for me to gain from the challenge I was facing. After doing this for a few weeks, it got easier and easier. I realized I gained nothing from complaining and everything from reframing my thoughts. Once I got used to refraining from complaints on Mondays, it was easy to transition to keeping that same energy throughout the week.
3. I began a gratitude journal. Putting on paper, all the good in my life had a huge impact on my happiness. Life is never perfect, and we cannot always get what we want but when we are thankful for what we do have, it creates a switch in the brain that makes it easier to not obsess over those challenging moments that we cannot control anyway. I not only wrote about what I was grateful for but who I was grateful for and why. I would start my day with all this gratitude and it made my heart happy. This allowed me to take that joy with me to make the not-so-happy moments a lot easier to deal with while keeping a positive mindset.
4. I let go of expectations. Once my expectations were released, I could not be disappointed from the actions of others or the circumstances that were brought my way. This is not about, not having standards. I knew what I would and would not accept. Releasing expectations meant letting go of the need to know what was going to happen next, how others will react or what anyone else does. This meant that I was often pleasantly surprised with positive outcomes. Since the expectation did not exist it was like little bursts of happiness. When things happened in a less favorable manner, not having expectations allowed me to realize things happen and how they happen, and I was able to move forward.  
5. I started an exercise program. I know some people may be thinking, “what does that have to do with happiness?” Taking care of my body made me feel good. It helped to build my confidence, not just from the outward appearance, but how I was able to perform physically in all aspects of my life. Let’s not forget the “feel good hormones” released during exercise, endorphins. Endorphins create a temporary euphoria, that gave me the bump in happiness needed to carry throughout my day.  

I implemented many of these tips simultaneously, while also affording myself the grace to slip up at times. I continued and still continue to add to my “happiness rehab” routine. It has not been a perfect journey, but I am happy to report I am the happiest I have ever been. 

Louisa Valentin is an Empowerment Wellness Coach, who empowers professional women to find their strength to achieve their optimal state of mental, physical, and spiritual health. As a nurse of almost 20 years, it is no surprise that Louisa is passionate about helping others. She helps women prioritise themselves, creating real lifestyle changes to have lasting transformations and change the world’s perception of who they are. For more information visit https://www.louisavalentin.coach/