Most people have heard of the “fight or flight” response – how the sympathetic nervous system reacts to an acute stress response by preparing the body to either fight or run away. But did you know that the “freeze” response, a parasympathetic nervous system response, is also very common, especially amongst trauma survivors?
The freeze response is exactly what it sounds like. You become immobile and unable to say anything due to fear. According to an article in Healthline, “The freeze response serves as a stalling tactic. Your brain presses the pause button but remains hypervigilant, waiting and watching carefully until it can determine whether fleeing or fighting offers a better route to safety.
Do you freeze up when your partner uses a different tone of voice or looks at you a certain way, even if they’re not angry? Do you lose your ability to speak and stare out blankly as if you’ve just left your own body? Learning how to stop freezing up is something that plagues a lot of people who’ve experienced trauma. It’s a primal response that’s automatically carried out by the nervous system to protect itself. It can be very difficult to break the pattern.
You may beat yourself up for reacting in such an “odd” way, but this is not your fault – nor is it uncommon. It is a behavior that’s become hardwired due to past trauma – and it is out of your mind’s control. It’s activated within your nervous system whenever your body is subtly reminded of past trauma. The non-verbal part of your brain essentially “tells” your body, “Remember when your father raised his voice? Your mom got seriously hurt. Let’s get out of here NOW!”
In this instance, your partner’s tone of voice reminds you of how your father was abusive towards your mother. Then, within a split second, this sequence of events occurs:
- Your amygdala (brain’s fear center) becomes activated and triggers the nervous system to react in Fight, Flight, Freeze or Shutdown.
- Your Hippocampus (distinguishes past events from current reality) becomes virtually useless.
- Your Prefrontal Cortex (higher brain that governs verbal language and logic) desperately tries but fails to convince you that this is your loving partner, NOT your father.
- BAM! You’re frozen.
Nothing you tell yourself in this moment can stop your body from freezing up, even though you know in your mind that your partner is different – they’re amazing and they would never intend to maliciously hurt you. Yet all it takes is a subtle trauma trigger to go into freeze mode, which can make it feel impossible to change this old pattern. However, you can rewire your trauma reactions and become in command of your nervous system and body’s behaviors.
Become Aware of Your Specific Pattern
Some people freeze up and stand there without saying anything until they finally “come back.” They may not even remember what just happened in the moment of conflict with their partners. Some isolate in bed for days feeling completely fatigued or sick after they freeze up. Others snap back into the moment quickly and proceed into a fight response, in which they explode into a yelling rage, or a flight response to escape the situation as quickly as possible. Everyone responds in their own unique way depending on the specific trauma they’re storing in their bodies. Let’s dig a little deeper and see what’s going on for you.
List Your Events and Triggers
Three words: Get. Really. Specific.
My client Zoe’s partner asked her to prepare dinner when he worked late at night. He communicated that this would be really helpful for him to get to sleep earlier. Zoe was happy to do this for him when she was free, but one night, she didn’t follow through.
When he used a frustrated tone of voice to express his disappointment, she immediately froze up and didn’t say anything. He became more agitated as he tried to discuss this with her and she continued to just stood there (she noted that his agitation was never abusive).
When we explored this in session, we pinpointed that Zoe froze up every time her partner’s face hardened, and his tone was more assertive. Even if he practiced the kind words that they discussed in couples therapy, she was already frozen as soon as she noticed these changes in his expressions.
What specifically makes you freeze up? It’s important to understand the first signs that trigger you into a freeze response before you can change it.
Understand the Root Cause
Many people try to understand their unhealthy patterns by talking about it, thinking it through, and other mind-based techniques. But they never fully understand what they need to know in order to stop freezing up. That’s because the freeze response is a very physical behavior that occurs in the body. You can only access the deepest root cause through techniques that connect you to the wisdom of your body.
Back to Zoe. What she really wanted to say to her partner was, “The kids were so difficult this evening. It took all my energy to get them to listen and calm down. I felt so drained, and time slipped away. I’m really sorry, I should’ve been more aware and communicated that I wasn’t going to be able to do it.”
The mere thought of speaking up to her partner triggered extreme anxiety. This signaled to me that her brain and body were not able to distinguish the imagined scenario (where she could speak up to him) from the reality of the present moment (where she was safe in session with me).
When she talked about asserting her needs, her body seemed to get pulled back into the trauma of her father being abusive whenever her mom tried to speak up. Instead of letting her body get warped into an old memory, I guided her to explore her anxiety through a gentle and safe process. By exploring this in her body, we opened up the opportunity for her to become more in command of her body’s response rather than dissociate, become numb, or escape.
Movement Was the Key
We tried a movement “experiment” together:
“You’re going to come up with different movements and I’m going to purposely not follow you.” I explained. She nodded.
I added, “Your job is to tell me how to change what I’m doing in order to mirror your movements accurately. Then we’ll switch roles and try it the other way around.”
When it was my turn to lead, I had to speak up and tell Zoe how to change her movements to match mine. She did the same when it was her turn to lead. Essentially, we had a conversion through both our bodies and our words that said, “This is how I’m expressing myself, and here’s how you can listen to me and see me better.”
Zoe gave me directions with no hesitation at all. She appeared to be very calm and confident while being assertive with me.From the outside, she seemed to be completely in her comfort zone.
The twist? She confessed that she was freaking out on the inside the entire time.This was her norm. She appeared calm and cool on the outside, but on the inside, her anxiety escalated so much, and she became highly stressed. This often flung her nervous system into a freeze response because it was all too much to handle.
The Power to Change Your Response
Once you pinpoint how your freeze response begins – whether it’s small bits of stress that add up over time or huge bursts of fear that happen all at once – you have the information you need in order to change it.
In our session, Zoe’s movement experience revealed how often she ignored her own body’s stress signals to avoid negative feelings and conflict with her partner. Finally, we were in a position to rewire this pattern together in session before it happened again in real life.
“Let’s go back and do it again,” I said, guiding us back into our movement experiment. Except this time, I’d like for you to tell me the instant you start to feel anxious inside your body, even if it’s not obvious from the outside.” She agreed.
We initially did this in short spurts to avoid overwhelming her nervous system. Pushing her too far, too fast would be counterproductive, as the point of the intervention was to strengthen her nervous system and expand her window of tolerance to stop reacting with a freeze response.
By the end of the session, Zoe told me exactly how to mirror her movements, exactly the way she wanted, without feeling any fear. It primed her body to be ready and be assertive with her partner the next time they got into conflict.
This was already so much more effective than the years of couples therapy they had tried, in which she constantly talked about how she wanted to stop freezing up but could never physically do it.
Is Your Nervous System Ready to Rewire?
Neurophysiologically speaking, Zoe was not any more capable of healing than you are. But she was ready. Therefore, the big question shouldn’t be, “Am I capable of healing in a way that really lasts?” The question needs to be, “Am I ready for it?” Because you, as a human being with a nervous system, are completely capable of rewiring and healing in a way that truly lasts.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Orit Krug is an award-winning Board-Certified Dance/Movement Therapist. Ms. Krug specializes in helping individuals & couples heal from past trauma and enjoy healthy lifelong relationships using her unique approach with Dance/Movement Therapy. For more information,visit here.
