“Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.” 

–Mahatma Gandhi 

When someone states that they’re unhappy or depressed, they’re often told that they must create the life they wish to live. But how do you live the life you desire? Why is it so hard to feel happy? The key to solving these questions can be found in defining your values.  

Unhappiness can be attributed to a misalignment of your values with your circle of influence, career choice, friends, or lifestyle. If your values aren’t aligned with your decisions or choices, you’re left feeling depressed and unfulfilled.  

What are values? They’re individual beliefs that motivate you to act in one way or another. Values guide human behavior. Values are the deeply rooted beliefs you hold when deciding what’s good or bad, what’s right or wrong, and what’s important to your life. You use your values as a guide to help in making the best decisions possible in any situation. Values can serve as your internal guiding light throughout your life.  

Often, people adopt the values they were raised with, believing these are the “right” ones because they’re synonymous with their family’s and community’s culture. But values also evolve over time as you gain more life experience. Your personal values are central to who you are and who you want to be. They’re personal to you — like honesty, respect, and loyalty.  

Why are values important? Because they help you set your priorities. You’ll know the action to take when you’re faced with a problem, and they lead you to a more satisfied, happier life. Conversely, when your personal values don’t align with your life situation, you inevitably become unhappy. 

When you have well-defined personal values, you develop a clear sense of who you are and what’s important to you. You don’t have to make decisions based on the expectations of others, and you don’t have to live your life following another person’s lead and living through their values.  

An awareness of what’s important to you provides a significant motivating factor throughout your life. Understanding your values, your internal code, creates self-reliance, self-esteem, and helps you become self-directed. Your confidence improves as well as your ambition, pushing you to greater heights in your career and quality of life.  

From an early age, I’ve wanted to provide a very comfortable life for my parents. I watched my mother and father work hard to take care of me and my three siblings. My father worked three jobs to provide for our family. My mother worked the graveyard shift as a nurse’s aide and, after working all night, cleaned houses during the day. I hated seeing them struggling and living paycheck-to-paycheck. As a result, my most important value is family. I hold family stability and family time as my highest priorities. 

My family is my main consideration in all my decisions. I critically think about how each of my decisions will affect them and their quality of life. Their comfort guides my choices. Family is also the main motivating factor in my work life. I make sure that I can provide them with the best quality of life possible. This value motivates me to work hard, and it’s enabled me to achieve what I have in my life.  

Identifying your values will help you solve problems with feeling unfulfilled. Having your values aligned with your goals, career choices, and the lifestyle you desire will provide satisfaction and help you become a better version of yourself.  

Some examples of values: 

• Honesty  
• Authenticity  
• Positivity  
• Discipline  
• Responsibility  
• Family  
• Appreciation 
• Learning 
• Diversity 
• Loyalty 
• Respect  

Here are tips for seeking your own values: 

1. Evaluate your behavior. Your values are a reflection of your actions. 

2. Determine your happiest and your most distressed times. Think back to both the most painful and the most joyful moments in your life. Examine these moments to learn about the values that are most important to you. 

3.  Assess what brings you satisfaction. Identify moments in your life in which you felt most fulfilled and satisfied. Evaluate which values stood out during these moments. 

4. Think about who you admire or look up to. What is it about them that inspires you or makes you like them? What values do they have or show that represent the way you want to live your life? What can you learn and take from them, using the lessons in a positive way to create a better quality of life for yourself?  

5. Allow yourself to change your values. If you dislike any of your values, change the way you behave and think. Be open minded to change and taking chances on yourself. 

How do you apply values into your life? Use this checklist to make them actionable:   

• Create a list of short-term (0-12 months), medium-term (2-5 years), and long-term (6-plus years) goals. Be clear in what you want to achieve.  
• Break down those goals into small tasks. How will you get there? Put a target date on each goal.   
• Recheck whether those goals and tasks align with your values. Do you have to do something that will jeopardize your values in order to achieve a goal? If so, you will need to adapt or revise your goals. 
• Continually monitor your values and compare them to your goals to make sure everything is aligned.  

Rome wasn’t built in one day. Allow yourself time to fulfill goals aligned with your values. Further, your values will evolve over time as you gain new experiences and accomplish your objectives. Be aware that you’ll constantly adapt your values to new changes, and that change will likely improve your outcome. 

Written by: Vincent DeFilippo 

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Dr. Vincent DeFilippo, DBA, MBA, is a professor in the School of Accounting and Business at Monroe College. Prior to that he was CEO of a private equity fund in Hong Kong, raising several billion dollars in venture capital for entrepreneurs and publicly traded companies throughout the Asia Pacific Region. His new book, Braking Point: How Escalation of Commitment Is Destroying the World (and How You Can Save Yourself), (ViennaRose Publishing, May 3, 2023), is a Wall Street Journal #2 bestseller. Learn more at www.vincentdefilippo.com.