Tall, Dark and Limiting? Your Type Might Be Holding You Back

Hands up – who’s ever used the phrase “my type on paper” when talking about a love interest? 

As a staple in the British dating dictionary, two thirds of singles (66%) admit to following a strict checklist of ‘must-have’ traits when searching for a partner. 

But sometimes, love doesn’t follow the rules. While a checklist may feel like a safety net, it can limit the route to romance – with 32% of single Brits admitting that their previous priority list led them to miss out on viable matches. Just look at recently engaged Taylor Swift, who found love with NFL star Travis Kelce, referring to their unexpected pairing on social media as one between an “English teacher” and a “gym teacher”. Or consider the romances that surprised the world: Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet, or Chris Hughes and JoJo Siwa. 

And singles seem to be catching on. According to research from Match, the dating app for real relationships, people are now turning their backs on their dating checklists and going ‘off paper’ to find love instead (24%). 

Over half (53%) are now ripping up their dating checklists to follow their hearts rather than superficial traits. In fact, 86% have dated outside of their ‘usual type’, and 69% say they would pursue a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t tick all their boxes. 

The most common checklist criteria include age (64%), looks (53%), similar hobbies (49%), height (36%) and career aspirations (33%). Other frequent ‘requirements’ range from music taste (32%), profession (29%), family dynamics (27%), and education (24%) – all the way to pets (19%), gym habits (12%) and even favourite TV shows (17%).

But rather than searching for perfection on paper, today’s singles prioritise humour (67%), kindness (64%), how someone makes them feel (55%), chemistry (55%), emotional intelligence (48%), authenticity (42%) and shared values (41%). 

What’s more, 33% believe dating someone outside of their usual ‘type’ has helped them grow – not just romantically, but personally too. While over three quarters (77%) believe the things that make your heart skip a beat don’t come from a checklist. 

Match’s Conversation Expert, Fanny Auger, says: “Dating with a checklist might feel like it gives you clarity, but it often closes the door before a real connection has a chance to walk in. When we focus too much on ticking boxes, whether it’s a job title or how tall they are, we risk missing the spark of genuine connection, and the magic of really getting to know someone. Conversations become interviews, rather than interactions. That’s when dates fizzle early, not because there’s no chemistry, but because we’re not giving it time to spark.” 

Match and Fanny Auger are here to help, with top tips to help singles move beyond small talk and have richer conversations that spark genuine connection with potential partners – especially those who might not be your usual type: 

1. Let go of “your type” 

Your “type” might be inherited — shaped by your parents, your past, or social ideals. Ask yourself: “Is this really mine?”. Then, dare to date differently. Sometimes, the best connection doesn’t look like what you expected — and that’s the beauty of it. 

2. Get playful 

The first date isn’t an audition, it’s a playground. Try something playful such as bringing in a quirky question, going to an exhibition or a fun activity. When we take pressure off the outcome, we create room for connection. 

3. Don’t date like an interviewer 

Real chemistry doesn’t come from ticking boxes, it comes from being curious. Ask things like: “What’s a small joy in your day?” or “What’s something that you’ve changed your mind about recently”? Those spark conversations, not just answers. That’s the beauty of the Speak Easy events I’ve developed with Match – they encourage deeper conversations and true connections through guided conversations. 

4. Find your tribe 

You’re more likely to meet someone meaningful in a setting that reflects who you (truly) are. Join a choir if you love to sing, not just a tennis club because it sounds “cool”, or because you’d love to meet someone who ticks the “tennis” box. 

5. Expand your criteria wisely 

Having an idea of what you like in a partner can help clarify what you want, but be mindful not to get stuck in superficial traits. Go deeper than looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes. Instead, try: “Makes me laugh”, “Listens deeply,” or “Helps me feel more like myself.”