Sue Ryder’s Head of Grief and Bereavement, shares advice including how to support a loved one who is grieving
Seven in 10 (68%) bereaved people are hiding their grief on Father’s Day by masking their emotions to protect others, while over half (56%) avoid talking about how they feel for fear of making others uncomfortable.
This Father’s Day, the palliative care and bereavement charity, Sue Ryder, is encouraging the nation to break the silence around grief by inviting people to write a letter to a dad or father figure who has died, to create space to remember them, reflect on what they meant, and say the things that were left unsaid.
New research from the charity suggests this could be helpful for many, with over half (51%) saying remembering happy memories brings comfort on Father’s Day, while a third (33%) believe writing a Father’s Day letter or card could bring them comfort and help them with their grief (32%).
Paul Madden, Head of Grief and Bereavement at Sue Ryder, said: “Father’s Day can bring a complicated mix of emotions for people whose dads or father figures have died. While many people around them are celebrating, those who are grieving can often feel pressure to hide how they feel. But grief does not disappear during celebratory moments – these occasions can strengthen the emotional connection people continue to have with someone they love and miss.
“Small acts of remembrance like writing a Father’s Day note can help people feel connected, comforted and less alone in their grief – it can be a meaningful way to remember them. The process can help connect you with your emotions and honour your relationships. Remember, the letter is for you, so there is no perfect formula, just be genuine.”
Paul shares tips for people grieving this Father’s Day and explains how writing down your emotions can help:
- How to start the process of writing the card – Set aside a quiet moment. Open with a greeting, just as if you were speaking to them. Write what’s on your mind – share what’s happening in your life, what you miss. You can reflect on memories or say things you never got to. Close with a personal sign off, something meaningful to you.
- Let go of expectations – Father’s Day can bring sadness, anger, gratitude, relief, love, guilt, or a mixture of emotions. There is no “right” way to feel. Try not to judge your reaction or compare yourself to how others appear to cope.
- Make a plan for the day – Many people find the anticipation of Father’s Day harder than the day itself. Think ahead about how you would like to spend the day. You might choose to be with family and friends, keep busy, spend time outdoors, or set aside quiet time for yourself. Having a plan can help you feel more in control.
- Find a way to remember your dad or father figure – You could look through photographs, visit a place that was special to them, listen to music that reminds you of him, or cook his favourite meal. Small acts of remembering can help you feel connected.
- Talk honestly about how you are feeling – You don’t have to pretend you are fine. If Father’s Day feels difficult, let trusted friends or family know. Sometimes simply saying, “I might find this weekend a bit tough,” can open the door to support and understanding.
- Be kind to yourself – Grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Lower expectations if you need to. Give yourself permission to step away from social media, decline invitations, take breaks, or do something comforting. Looking after yourself is not selfish; it’s an important art of coping with loss.
And for those supporting someone they know who is bereaved, Paul suggests:
- Keep invitations open – Some people may want company on Father’s Day, while others may need space. Continue to offer support and invitations without pressure, knowing they may feel differently from one year to the next.
- Create space to talk – Invite your friend to speak openly about their feelings and the person who has died. Many grieving people worry their loved one is being forgotten, and sharing memories can be incredibly comforting.
- Ask direct questions – If you are unsure what would be most beneficial, simply asking, “How can I help?” reinforces that you are in their corner whenever they are ready.
People looking for support can visit Sue Ryder’s website here for bereavement advice and resources on coping with grief during significant calendar moments.
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