What is the over-giving Type C personality and why should everyone care?

We’ve all heard of Type A and Type B personalities – but while Type C is less known, it’s quite common. Typical Type C traits include: 

• Being too giving, placating, and compromising
• Feeling a deep responsibility to help others
• Having extreme difficulty saying no 
• Being fearful of upsetting or disappointing others
• Putting on a constant facade of pleasantness
• Dissociating or feeling numb to one’s own feelings/pain
• Ignoring or being unaware of one’s own needs and finding difficulty expressing them
• Perceiving oneself as not worthy or less deserving than others

People with Type C traits are exceptionally caring, thoughtful, and giving. They may be some of your most loyal friends or your most hardworking, take-one-for-the-team employees – and as such, it’s important to educate people about Type C and share stories of when people take it to the extreme, suffering in silence until a career, relationship, or health crisis hits. Shedding light on this painful way of living can help Type C’ers – and those in their circles – see healthier, more sustainable possibilities for their lives.

More people than you realize exhibit some or all of these traits – and everyone has a Type C’er in their orbit, be it oneself, a family member, friend or colleague. Unfortunately, in addition to being self-punishing, these traits have been linked to illness. The Type C personality was first discussed in scientific literature in the context of disease in the 1970s and 80s. This cancer study looking at “pathological niceness”, finds “the clinical course of the disease is influenced by psychosocial factors and coping style” and “individuals with a more favorable outcome have higher fighting spirit, a greater potential for aggression and lesser suppressive tendencies.” This study may suggest that the Type C default behaviors of squashing feelings and prioritizing others may negatively impact health. Several studies had similar findings in this area.  There have been others that showed more mixed results. 

When Type C traits dominate people, their mental and physical health can decline. In the workplace, people with Type C traits are some of the best coworkers and employees. But they may be silently burning themselves out, saying yes to all tasks asked of them both at home and at work. Unfortunately, Type C’ers often quit or go on medical leave due to an inability to make themselves a priority and take care of themselves, and this will affect everyone on the team tremendously. 

In talking extensively with people that fit the Type C profile, we found they often experienced many of the following: 

• Unrefreshing sleep – no matter how many hours in bed, waking up feeling exhausted
• Chronic insomnia – difficulty falling asleep or waking up in the night and unable to fall back asleep
• Cognitive difficulties – memory problems, executive functioning problems, brain fogginess
• Pain, arthritis, skin rashes, frequent sore throats, repeat sinus infections, pelvic floor issues
• Feeling overwhelmed, lonely, depressed, angry, resentful, and/or guilty
• Excessive eating and/or drinking

How do Type C traits come about? Are they a function of nature or nurture? The answer is both – they stem from childhood experiences as well as family genetic history. In childhood, Type C’ers may have seen poor examples of expressing and managing emotions, and this may have led to learning that our feelings don’t matter – or we didn’t want to burden someone else who was struggling. We may learn to suppress or keep everything inside. Excessive criticism or expectations of perfectionism from a parent or caregiver may have also led us to hold in emotions, trying to please others or put their needs first.

Lessons learned from our childhood experiences can impact how we treat ourselves and others, and they can show up in the form of rules that govern our behavior. Examples of unhealthy Type C rules are “if I’m sad or upset, I should keep it to myself to not burden anyone or make myself vulnerable to being criticized or judged.” “My needs don’t matter as much.” “When others are happy, that’s the most important thing.” Some cultures encourage the “grin and bear it” way of acting. There are also societal pressures that can make people feel “I should be able to do it all” and “I can’t ask for help.” All these factors contribute to the growth of Type C traits, and one should not blame oneself for their persistence.

Let’s also be clear that there are short-term benefits that reinforce following Type C rules. We can be rewarded with praise, approval, good reviews, promotions, and money. We may also be able to avoid criticism or abuse. However, there are plenty of downsides, such as saying yes too much at home or at work, checking work excessively to make sure it’s perfect, working long hours to gain approval/praise from the boss, colleagues, or family members, and the fatigue associated with these behaviors to name just a few negative consequences.

People with Type C traits put a high importance on what other people think of us. Since we’re often unaware of our own needs, other people may disregard them as well; it may be easier for others to dismiss our needs since we are not asserting ourselves.

Over time, when we engage excessively in Type C behaviors, we can feel anger, resentment, loneliness, and experience low self-esteem. Anger builds when we assume other people have the same beliefs we do – “they will think of my needs just like I think about theirs” and when they don’t act in the way we expect – “they will be thoughtful and caring just like I am”. This, in turn, can cause us to feel disappointed, lonely, and upset, and we may withdraw or distance ourselves from other people. We act passively, making choices based on our rules and the “should” statements in our minds. We engage in behaviors or avoidance so as to not feel guilt, and we are not doing what is important to us in the long run – living healthily, spending time with family and friends, being kind to ourselves.

Make no mistake – change is hard work. When Type C people attempt to go against these rigid deeply ingrained rules, we may experience intense fear or guilt. Or we may feel hopeless and stuck because we don’t feel able to make the changes we ardently wish for. But when Type C traits dictate all our actions, one usually hits rock bottom emotionally or physically. It’s from this place that one can see the cost of these traits most clearly and start to move in a new direction.  What we know for sure, from speaking with so many members in this community, is that quality of life improves as we work to identify and counteract our own Type C tendencies. Learning to acknowledge our own worth and needs, let go of guilt, say no, and be fully present and express difficult emotions can transform mental AND physical health. While the journey is not easy, with practice, implementing certain strategies can bring our lives into better balance.

Dr. Kore Glied is a clinical psychologist with over 15 years in practice in New York City. Anna White is a former investments executive on Wall Street who burned out from her Type C tendencies. Our Type C Toolbox initiative includes a free website with 100+ blog posts educating people about Type C traits as well as sharing stories and strategies to start the healing journey. On our podcast, we interview experts to better understand the traits and hear advice for support and guidance. And you can follow us for more on Instagram as well. 

Kore Glied, PhD and Anna White, MBA 

www.typectoolbox.com

Instagram @typectoolbox 

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