Three Ways to Forgiveness, Even If You May Not Be 100% Ready to.
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- October 19, 2025
You know the old saying, forgiveness is more about the person doing the forgiving than the one receiving it. I still believe that is true today. It takes a lot of energy to hold onto anger, disappointment, and unmet expectations. That is energy that you could be directing to another area of your life. Your work, hobbies, dreams, or relationships. It may not have even dawned on you just how much effort it takes to hold onto old feelings, events, and thoughts. In the thick of it, you may not even realize just how exhausted and burdened you actually are.
I once had a chronic headache for 2 years straight! Yep, that’s right, a headache that never totally went away, for two whole years! When it did finally fade, I was susceptible to any such head pain from that moment on. It was almost as if my tolerance for the head pain was so high while it was active that I didn’t even really notice it anymore. But once it was completely gone, even the slightest twinge of it would put me in a state of post-traumatic stress. It’s like I had literally no tolerance for the pain any longer after living with it for so long.
That is what forgiveness is like. You hold on to the pain, regret, anger, disappointment so tightly that it begins to form a life of its own. After you start working towards and thus release the negative emotions associated with lacking forgiveness, you become unable to hold it in the same way, ever again.
Blessings on this beautiful action, because forgiveness is one of the most powerful experiences you can have. When you forgive, you take back your power. It’s choosing you, hands down. It’s telling the universe that you are so important, divine, and precious that you are no longer willing to hold onto the things that hurt you. The things that bring you pain and discomfort. Instead, you choose freedom, strength, and truth. The truth that you are so much more than the hate, blame, and resentment that is silently running the show from the backstage.
Forgiveness is a step-by-step process. It takes a few feet forward, then a few steps back.
Forgiveness does not have to be all or nothing, and it doesn’t happen overnight.
It feels awkward at first and maybe even wrong, but that is just your body coping with hurt.
It may feel impossible and even unfair, but that is just your body coping with ego.
Because there is no denying the deep breath that comes from forgiveness. The release from your shoulders and the burden that lifts from your heart.
You might believe that refusing to forgive someone who has harmed you punishes them, but the reality is that it only punishes you. They don’t care and probably never did. It’s you who grieves, frets, or worries. It is also you who allows the negativity to affect your day-to-day. They are likely not even thinking about it, but you are. It’s you who brings the discourse into your body, cells, and soul.
You may even tell yourself that you are unaffected. That it is under control, not a sabotage, and well within your reach to live with or let be. That is often simply a rationale to excuse the pain that has penetrated your heart.
But once you make that realization, it no longer has power over you. You are now the one to decide what is truly best for you. You are the one who controls how and when to release it from your tissues, and not the other way around. This action is now based on compassion and self-love, rather than on pain and revenge.
Here are my three favourite ways to make forgiveness feel easy, safe, and possible.
- The Letter(s): Write them a letter. Not just any ole letter. This letter has it all. Everything you might want to say. All the emotion, and all the words. Get it out of your body and down on paper. Do not hold back. Say any little thing you want to say. Yell, scream, cuss. Then fold up the letter and put it away. It is not to send or get a reaction from. It is just a placeholder for you. It becomes an opportunity for the release of the big stuff you’ve been holding.
Wait a few weeks, but no more than a month. Read the letter and check in with how you are currently feeling. The heat has likely decreased a little. It may not be gone completely, but down at least a bit. Rewrite the letter now, and still don’t hold back. Say everything you’d like to say. Some new things might have surfaced. Go with it, don’t censor. Acknowledge exactly where you are at. Then fold up the letter and put it away. Sit with this, pray about it, journal around it.
In a few weeks, but no more than a month, read the second letter. Take a moment to check in with yourself and see where you are now.
Keep in mind that the act of forgiving is predominantly for your own well-being. In most cases, it is actually unnecessary for you to be face-to-face with the person in question. However, there are occasions where forgiveness with the actual person can be effective. This is one of the tools that helps you decide where you fall on the continuum. This third and final version of ‘the letter’ can be for your own personal process (because by now, the energy, anger, disappointment, or whatever you were feeling before has probably dropped dramatically) or be the more balanced, diplomatic, and calm version of communication you would be more willing to move forward with. Either way, this third draft is short, straight to the point, and much less emotional. It holds the juice of the issue, but not much else. - The Visual: Let’s do a quick meditation. Find a quiet spot where you can sit comfortably. Next, find your breathing rhythm. Now picture yourself in your mind’s eye. Picture the person you want to forgive. Imagine a big, beautiful bouquet between you. Dig deep into this imagery. See the colors, smell the fragrance. Picture yourself giving the flowers to them. You can pull one out, or you can give them the whole bouquet. You might even be the one who feels wounded. That is okay. It is a dramatic visualization that symbolizes the depth of forgiveness.
Hold in that state for just a moment and allow the emotions to regulate.
You might want to say something, and that is fine as well. Go with it and allow your body to take the lead. You can also journal about this after the visualization is complete. - Recite Ho’oponopono: An old Hawaiian prayer used for forgiveness. Once again, find that quiet place to sit and get comfortable. Get into a breathing rhythm to relax. Think about the person you would consider forgiving and recite the following phrase several times over, either in your head or out loud. “I Love You, I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You”. Try to really feel into each statement.
The Ho’oponopono prayer is most effective when done consistently. Over time, it lends tremendous support while contemplating forgiveness for others and even for yourself.
Take a moment to be with your feelings or notice any bodily sensations that arise. You can journal about anything that comes up. Try not to analyze or judge. Just be with the process.
Forgiveness is a powerful form of healing. It releases a lot of physical tension from your body. It leaves you with more room to be and do the things you really want. It’s like anything, the more you practice it, the easier it gets.
- About the Author
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Cece James BS, HHP, CAWK, Clinical EFT Certified Practitioner , Certified Toxicity & Detox Specialist
Cece James is the founder of the Institute for Healing and Holistic Living. She has been in the field of health and wellness for almost 3 decades. She is passionate about her mission to bring healing strategies to others and create a loving culture of self-care.
Cece supports individuals and families facing chronic illness or other health challenges as well as empowers those who are interested in learning to navigate the terrain of whole foods, holistic lifestyle, supplements and the use of various natural remedies.
She truly believes that everyone has what they need to heal inside them right now. Through experience and conversation, she explores the various ways in which a holistic lifestyle can enrich and integrate into any current view of health and thus optimize ones true balance and vitality.
