The 5 ‘Emotional Stages of Moving’ No One Talks About

I have moved many, many, many times in my own life, and some felt like, ‘I’m so glad to be out of here’, some have been, ‘Oohh, I don’t know if I can be happy anywhere else?’ When I moved overseas. It was full of wonder, excitement, fear of loneliness, but I was excited to experience new things, new people, and in extremes, I could be someone totally different from what I had been.

Of course, the packing lists, the decluttering, and the hiring of movers, or finding some friends who have trucks to help you move, are all challenges and all have different results. 

And while stress and excitement are two core feelings (almost) everyone experiences while moving, there’s also a plethora of other, perhaps quieter, more subtle, but also more complex feelings that we rarely hear about or see mentioned.

This article helps put a name to those feelings, to define them, and validate those experiences.

Stage 1: The Planning, The Checklist, and The Unexpected Grief

Sooo, practically speaking, you sit in front of the computer and search for the term ‘residential movers near me‘ online. You find a local top-reviewed company that knows what you’re going through, practically as well as emotionally. They’ll know what needs to be done and can help you with the journey along the way.

It’s natural to feel a sense of loss when you’re experiencing things daily that might be a ‘last time’ moment.

Walking down the streets you used to walk to meet friends for coffee in that fun coffee shop, the friends you’re leaving behind, never finding a patisserie that makes almond cream croissants, sitting under your favourite tree, looking over the harbour at night… bittersweet moments.

It’s hard, heading into your packing process and trying to declutter and finding things that no longer serve you, like that 30th birthday mug that you dropped and cracked, and suddenly feeling sentimental. You find yourself taking photos of mundane things like the rose bush you planted, but it never really blossomed, or the crack on the wall that annoyed you for years. 

This can throw you into a deep depressive state or a feeling of grief.

TIPS:

• Acknowledge the feelings and say to yourself, “This is hard, and that’s okay.”
• Take deliberate photos or videos of your favourite spots in the house, certain views of the garden, and things you want to remember but may not be taking with you. Even the little things give you joy, and you can capture that in a photo and keep it with you in your heart, but not necessarily keep it on your shelf anymore.
• Allow yourself to be both sad, excited, and melancholy.

Stage 2: The Emotional Numbness

When you are bombarded by emotions, sometimes the brain will go into a psychological self-protection mode. 

You start just going through the motions and not comprehending the decisions you are making, and sometimes can railroad over the others who are having the feels, but you are not giving them the time to work through their own emotions. This could be helpful if you are trying to get things done, and maybe the children need a little coaxing, but always be gentle. 

Try not to go too far into the logistics of things, and remember hugs and special things need to be noted and acknowledged.

TIPS:

• Recognize this is normal but temporary; your feelings will return.
• Take 60-second intervals to breathe, talk with others, feel your feet on the floor, and release some anxiety amidst the chaos.
• Ask for help and delegate tasks to everyone as they want to help; it’s up to you to ask. These’ll give your family and friends more memorable moments together. Life is about sharing experiences while coming from a place of love.

Stage 3: The Surreal Feeling of ‘This isn’t my home’.

Most of the time, when you make a move, your things are in boxes surrounding you, and there is an overwhelming feeling of ‘so much to do in so little time’. 

You feel like a stranger in a strange land. You want to tuck into it straight away, but then you realize you cannot keep the coffee near the coffee maker as it is too close to the stove, and that means it will be hard to reach for the mugs and, well, it’s just not ‘my’ kitchen.

That’s okay, this can be overwhelming, and sometimes you need time to organize yourself, so put the big things off til the morning, order pizza, and unpack that one box that you brought yourself with some paperplates, throwaway cups, a welcome sign for the entryway and a new little kitchen gnome that will help you feel a little more at home.

Alternatively, the quiet and the unpacked boxes give you a sense of, ‘ahhh, this is it, the new home’. It is nothing but exciting, and the new challenges that await make you giddy. Either way, it is all natural, and you go at your own pace.

TIPS:

• Take one room and create a functioning, normal space to let everyone gather and feel comfort and progress.
• Bake some cookies, or something fragrant that will entice the senses to react positively to the space; a candle or a plant might do the trick.
• Arrange furniture in a flowing way, put chairs facing the kitchen if open plan, or make the deck door an invitation to sit outside. Your home is not a showroom, unless that is what you’re going for; really, it is meant to give you warm fuzzy feelings and entice the inhabitants to be there with each other.

Stage 4: The Comparison Trap

When you are getting used to your new home, the area you live in, and your new neighbors, you can get caught up in the comparison game. 

‘The grocery store layout is weird here.’ ‘The people are not very friendly.’ ‘I miss my old picture window; it let in so much light.’ This is just a natural way the mind resists its new reality. 

You almost feel traitorous if you like the new place better than the old. Of course, some may go through these feelings, but if you are embracing your new home, try not to compare it to the old place so much, either. 

You want to be positive about both homes and not compare. Meet new people, go around singing the praises of the little shop around the corner or the condition of the walkways, but not at the expense of putting down the old place, either. Search for things you like, and if you need it, look for places that give you the same feelings old places used to give you. 

Come from a place of love for all that was old and all that is new, and make a fresh start where you are.

• Catch yourself in the act and add a ‘but’, ‘but this park has exquisite walking trails.’
• Become the discoverer, the explorer, and look for hidden gems and new, unique treasures.
• Give yourself the mental challenge of not comparing old and new after your first month. This will help you realize where you are mentally and try to make it all more positive. Speaking with intention is a good practice in mindfulness.

Stage 5: The New Normal

One day, when all is settled and you are putting the coffee on and grabbing a cup from the trolley where they’re now kept, you realize something is different. 

A new normal has set in, and what might have irritated you before has now become a habit, and you like it. You know your way around and have found a fab farmer’s market on the back road to the park that operates every Saturday morning. This is where the payoffs come. Home once again feels like home.

Take a moment to reflect on where you are and how far you have come. You made the effort, and you have a new neighbor who loves to walk in the morning with you and a cute little artisan cafe where you can sit and read a book or have a chat with the people who gather to do craft projects.

Conclusion

What a journey! 

You may’ve started with trepidation, got lost in the process, but you have come out the other end feeling like you are part of your new community, loving the garden in your new home, and are quite pleased with your move overall. You will always have things and people you miss from ‘back there’, but these can be shared on trips back there and through photos you took before you left. 

Everywhere I have lived holds a little piece of my heart, but in the ‘right now’, my love is directed towards the home where I live.