The unintended consequences of cancel culture, explained by sex therapists 

There is a notable decrease in sexual activity among American adults, and clinicians nationwide are worried about this trend. 

American singles are finding it difficult to connect, and cancel culture may be to blame. “When I was in my 20s, the men would catcall me constantly. I wasn’t offended or threatened; it felt nice. I accepted their praise graciously. Now, a guy won’t even approach me in the supermarket because he’s afraid of violating my space.” exclaims Megan Chilton, a 36-year-old single mom and theater enthusiast in Colorado, explains. Megan suspects that these men are hesitant to approach her in person because the idea of being publicly shamed is terrifying. This is not an isolated incident. Many singles find it easier to avoid initiating contact altogether because they are unsure about how to interact. 

Inducing Anxiety About Romantic Interactions 

It has been widely reported that the dating landscape has become more judgmental, as the unwritten rules about what is acceptable have become more rigid and the consequences of defying evolving social codes have become more severe. Nate Darcus, 34, is a truck driver in Virginia who was recently canceled by his girlfriend of one year—“It was 3 am, I was tired. The next morning, I woke up to a text message, and I knew her friends on social media were behind this. Cancel culture is like ghosting, but on a different level. Instead of having a conversation about what I did to offend her, she just blocks me. That’s foreign to me. If it’s not working out, we should have a conversation about it first, so I understand what I did wrong.” There are, of course, more extreme examples of cancel culture. People have been accused of committing crimes that span the spectrum of harm—from mild emotional offenses to catastrophic physical harm. It seems that, for many people, cancel culture could be triggered by absolutely anything, which makes it difficult to pin down a single definition for this phenomenon. 

“Cancel culture has inflicted a soma trauma on our culture—clients are experiencing a disproportionate physiological response due to concerns of being canceled.” says Dr. Pasciucco, a certified sex therapist based in Connecticut, who has observed an increase in the trend of canceling people for unintentionally violating new and shifting sexual norms. “A spouse will no longer cuddle their partner in the kitchen because they don’t want to touch them inappropriately,” explains Dr. Pasciucco. The threat of being canceled has inflicted people with a type of anxiety that makes it difficult for them to feel safe even in their own bodies. As a result, people are more fearful and less willing to date or express affection.

Unsurprisingly, this has led many Americans to avoid sex altogether. According to the most recent General Social Survey poll, the number of Americans who are not having sex has almost doubled since 2018. Furthermore, a 2022 Archive of Sexual Behavior study, which used data from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (NSSHB), evenfound a decrease in solo masturbation among teens. While social scientists have speculated on a variety of causes, research has yet to provide concrete data confirming the main drivers for this decline. Meanwhile, across the country, sex therapists have been observing firsthand how stress caused by cancel culture influences how clients express and engage sexually. 

“In the context of sex therapy, cues in the environment set the stage for sexual response. Cues are really important to understand. They are occasion setters; they are contextual. They are the kinds of things that impact human sexual behavior,” says Dr. Jim Pfaus, Professor of Neuroscience and Psychology at Charles University in Prague, while explaining how stress from cancel culture impacts the desire for sex. The risk of being canceled seems to be expanding, considering that the standards for cancelation are deeply personal, and thus arbitrary. Anyone can be canceled for any reason—all they need to do is offend a potential partner. 

As a result, singles and partners no longer feel that they possess sufficient information to interpret cues. Malcolm House, 29, an aerospace engineer, is a single man searching for his soulmate who finds it difficult to read body cues—“It is extremely difficult to pick up on signs. You could read a green light, but your date wants to be friends. I never want to be labeled as the creepy guy making unwanted moves.” In response to this, Malcolm avoids cancel culture by avoiding dating altogether—“I haven’t been on a date in almost a year.” 

Stifling of Sexual Expression 

Renee Burwell, a certified sex therapist and owner of Pandora’s Awakening in Tennessee, says, “Especially, people who identify as men are afraid of cancel culture to the extent that it is causing erectile dysfunction.” She adds that men are afraid to objectify their partners because cancel culture has taught them that in order to value their partners as humans, they can’t see them as erotic figures. But in order for eroticism to build, there has to be objectification. Burwell explains, “In order to make something sexy, you can’t look at the whole woman—you have to look at her lips, butt, or breasts. There are certain parts that you have to eroticize, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” Like Burwell, many sex therapists have noted the limitations imposed by cancel culture on sexual expression. 

“Cancel culture wants everyone to fit into one mode of arousal and eroticism, but doing so robs people of their ability to freely engage with each other,” argues Burwell. This stifled sexual expression has also emerged as a concern within the kink community—a community that engages in consensual yet unconventional sexual play.

Dr. Pasciucco warns that if it can happen in the kink community, canceling can happen anywhere. Our culture is rapidly shifting toward a norm in which the spontaneous and thrilling components of sex are being removed to seemingly make it safer. However, the result is that sex has not only become more risky but also more insipid. We are becoming very puritanical people, cancel culture opposes the free expression of sexuality. 

“I’ve been canceled on Instagram along with my sex worker friends,” says Dr. Pasciucco, who describes how legislation rooted in puritanical politics has canceled free expression on the internet. “You can’t be a sex worker who also provides sex education on Instagram because of FOSTA (Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act)/SESTA (Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act). These laws came were enacted to stop child trafficking, but it’s only about getting sex workers off the internet. These are the bigger implications.” 

Obstructing Healthy Conflict Resolution 

“It’s easier to cancel people than it is to have nuanced conversations, like a therapist would,” explains Dr. Stefani Goerlich, a sex therapist in Michigan. She adds, “We have a lot of all-or-nothing thinking, and we don’t have the language to explore or investigate nuanced ideas.” Our culture does not have the skills to facilitate nuanced conversations because our society is not trained in nonviolent communication. Instead, when one person escalates, the other person responds in the same way. Dr. Pasciucco describes this as “war-based posturing that promotes a culture of fear.” 

The issue with such war-based communication, according to sex therapists, is that it promotes binary thinking—a person either agrees with you or is your enemy. This inevitably reduces complex individuals to one-dimensional caricatures. When someone is canceled, they are often portrayed as having no redeeming qualities, with their past achievements, contributions, or personal growth entirely ignored or dismissed. Cancel culture assumes that people are static and unchanging. As a result, a single mistake is enough to render someone irredeemable. This type of characterization is harmful because it undermines a core tenet of sex therapy—transformation. 

Combat Cancel Culture by Thinking Like a Sex Therapist 

Sex therapists help clients grow, change, and heal from their past traumas or mistakes. The fundamental belief of sex therapy is that people who take accountability for their mistakes and sincerely express remorse have the capacity to change. Every day, sex therapists demonstrate a willingness to help clients evolve beyond their mistakes, which is also a useful mental model to employ if you want to mitigate the unintended consequences of cancel culture. Here are three therapist-approved practices to begin treating your partner with respect and dignity:

Practice actively listening to your partner and using emotional language accurately describe your desires and boundaries. Do not rush into foreplay. You need to slow down to be able to recognize the signs given by your partner, communicate, and maintain a healthy sexual relationship. Instead of completely avoiding initiating romantic interactions, discuss cues with your partner to recognize the moments when one is open to gracious touch. 

Practice compassion and have a discussion. Burwell explains, from a personal perspective, that “The key is we all are different, we all have different needs, and see things through different lenses. It’s not our job to place judgment or hate or tell people they are wrong. It’s our job to figure out ways to connect and understand.” Dr. Marty Klein, a sex therapist, author, educator, and public policy analyst based in San Francisco, adds, “From an intellectual standpoint, you should be eager to interact with people who hold conflicting points of view.” 

Be intentional about shifting your immediate response from outrage to reconciliation. Dr. Goerlich explains, “Outrage is addictive. Outrage has a physiological effect on the body. It releases cortisol, which gives us a physical rush when we are angry about something. The impact of this outrage can feel really good in the moment; it’s almost like a drug or any other addictive substance. We need to let go of our own need to feel good in the moment in order to allow for the possibility that maybe the offender was coming from a good place. Or if it was clearly not from a good place, allow the person an opportunity to make it right.” 

Despite the numerous risks, singles remain optimistic about their future—“In a perfect world, I would like to meet a girl while at a concert or some outdoor activity, date for 2–3 years, and then, hopefully, get married” says Malcolm. The world will indeed be a better place once we learn to resolve our differences instead of canceling them off.

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